My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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