Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize