Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
