party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
