Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
