Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
