I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You took a bar mat shot.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
