bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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