Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Randomize
