I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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