pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize