Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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