I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
