i may or may not be watching the land before time
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
