We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
