Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Vodka?
Forever.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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