just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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