My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
