What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
love makes seman taste better
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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