I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I just blew my weed a kiss
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize