he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
