I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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