I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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