I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
