just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
