dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
