Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
