i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
