My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize