Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
