Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
