yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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