Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
