I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
40s are totally the cure
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
