You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
