i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
