What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
