Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
