Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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