I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
