I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
