Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
