Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
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