Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
