Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
