she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'm at about main and main street
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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