operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize