Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Randomize
