The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
