I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
This can only be settled by a dance off.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
