I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i wish my penis had a tongue
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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