then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
