you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
