Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
