that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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