He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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