No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
