im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
