I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
It was confusing and full of hummus
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
3 2 1 whiskey
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
