R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
