my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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