I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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