Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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