Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
