If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
