I want to have your abortion
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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