I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
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