I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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