I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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