So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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