Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize