R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
