I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
