but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
