I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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