there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize