Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
