You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
