dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
