The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
