True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
