My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
