On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
