I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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