So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
