That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
