ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Randomize
