I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize