Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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