No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
