I think I won the penis lottery.
Semen is not good for contacts.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
