I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
