The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
