I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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