come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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