glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
