i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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